Monday, September 21, 2009

From the Journal of Advanced Academic Analysis 

News from our great research institutions...

The secret of making money in the stock market, revealed:
A linear link between S&P 500 return and the change rate of the number of nine-year-olds in the USA has been found ... The prediction of S&P 500 returns for the months after 2003, including those beyond 2007, are obtained using the number of 3 year-olds between 1990 and 2003 shifted by 6 years ahead ...

The secret of making money from betting on the Washington Redskins, revealed:
We find a significantly positive, non-spurious, and robust correlation between the Redskins' winning percentage and the amount of federal government bureaucratic activity as measured by the number of pages in the Federal Register.

The empathetic neural responses of dead fish, revealed by MRI [.pdf] :

One mature Atlantic Salmon (Salmo salar) participated in the fMRI study. The salmon was approximately 18 inches long, weighed 3.8 lbs, and was not alive ...

The salmon was shown a series of photographs depicting human individuals in social situations with a specified emotional valence. The salmon was asked to determine what emotion the individual in the photo must have been experiencing ... [serious explanation]

Roll up your window when driving through a tunnel, the air in there is polluted.
Professor Morawska said the study involved more than 300 trips through the four kilometres of the M5 East tunnel, with journeys lasting up to 26 minutes, depending on traffic congestion.

She said drivers and occupants of new vehicles which had their windows closed were safer than people travelling in older vehicles. "People who are driving older vehicles which are inferior in terms of tightness and also those riding motorcycles or driving convertibles, these people are exposed ..."

It's not quite a "tractor beam" but a "gravity tractor", to pull away incoming killer asteroids ...

Dr Ralph Cordey, who is EADS Astrium's head of exploration and business, told BBC News that the concept of a gravity tug was actually first mooted by two NASA astronauts, Edward Lu and Stanley Love, a few years ago. He said: "Frankly, I thought it was crackers...."

A Harvard Psychiatrist Explains Zombie Neurobiology. Ah, that's why it's worth $66,000 a year to go to that medical school.